When a person, including myself, makes public statements, we open ourselves up for public scrutiny. Freedom of speech comes with social responsibility. We can’t always say whatever we want and hope that others leave us alone. Our words must be weighed carefully. Granted, I have concerns about some “heresy hunters” and modern-day Pharisees who lack love and humility in their blogs. They are proud, unteachable, and eager to dispute. They are doing a lot of damage and should be publicly rebuked. We should err on the side of grace whenever possible. Finding the balance between being bold or passive is difficult—I myself fluctuate—but it can be done if we look at the biblical course and remember that it’s not what we say but how we say it that determines the impact.
Those who strongly believe in the Bible and God's will regarding sexual behavior also strongly believe in unconditional love and forgiveness. To say that authentic Christians hate or fear those trapped in the homosexual lifestyle demonstrates a gross misunderstanding of the Christian faith. To truly “confront in love” simply comes from a desire to honor God and to sincerely love and care for others. The ability to relate to people on their level, show genuine concern, and love them regardless of their lifestyle is the mark of true Christianity (read more here).
Sadly, many churches take the easy route by avoiding confrontation. But saying nothing is saying something: we are condoning sin by our silence. True, we should not rush to judgment; grace, mercy, and forgiveness must be underscored, but we also must speak up now and then. God’s patience with us is a good example to follow. If someone is caught in sin, we should restore that person gently while being careful not to fall into temptation as well (see Galatians 6:1). Here are a few ways:
Examine your heart first. Believe it or not, Jesus actually encourages us to judge others (read more here). Because our sinful tendency is to point out the flaws in others, judgment must begin with us by removing the plank from our own eye. This means we should refrain from eager judgmentalism. Before appearing on Fox News to debate the topic of homosexuality (you can listen to the full audio here and a short clip here), I spent a month praying and fasting. I needed to examine my heart first. As a result, the peace, boldness, and love I felt while at the studio was a true gift from God.
Research the facts. Proverbs 18:13 says that we should not make a decision before hearing both sides. Be patient, and ask God to reveal what’s really going on. Don’t be quick to assume.
Don’t move too quickly. Moving too quickly can hinder our decision-making and damage communication. But on the flip side, moving too slowly has pitfalls as well. Sometimes we must intervene immediately, as in the case of outlandish media statements. But even then, I try to pray for a day or two on whether I should I say anything. Wisdom is needed here.
Lovingly confront the person when possible. This is often not the time for anger but for tears. Lovingly and graciously challenge the person. It may also be appropriate to walk them through relevant Scriptures, reminding them that poor choices have consequences, but there is grace and forgiveness via repentance. However, public figures are rarely able to do this; therefore, our public critique must be tear-stained and seasoned with grace. It should not be something we want to do but something we need to do.
Offer a solution. Saying “I will walk through this with you” offers great hope if you can talk to the person individually. The man addicted to porn needs to show he is serious by installing accountability software, the wife who left her husband needs to end the affair immediately, and so on. Accountability often starts the process of lasting change. Here are some helpful articles and sermons on addressing sin in the local church.
When confronting, don’t forget about the emotional state of the person, as well as their family, especially if children are involved. Their spiritual well-being and emotional health are just as important as ours. When I write or speak against something, I try to imagine the person or their family reading or hearing it. Am I humble and broken before God? Am I seasoning my words with grace and hope? Am I encouraging them in their walk and reminding them that we all make mistakes—including me?
I could write articles daily against things I see or hear, but I try to be very selective. We shouldn’t be eager to critique others. If we are, something is wrong in our own heart, and we need to back off until God deals with us.
As a final thought, how can we warn if we won't confront, correct if we won't challenge, and contend if we won't question? We must speak the truth in love if God opens that door.