There is a way to dress that is not helpful in the culture, and there’s a way to dress that is so helpful, and Christian women ought not to think, “Get out of my life. I’ll wear what I want.” That’s not a Christian mentality. A Christian mentality is, How can I bless the world? How can I maximize my life for good in the world?
A Christian mentality is, How can I bless the world? How can I maximize my life for good in the world?
And dads, you’re a key here, positively and in terms of warning. Sometimes it means what they don’t think it means. Where are they going to find out? Their boyfriend? No, they find out from Dad. That’s where they find out what this means.
3. Always initiate reconciliation.
The Bible is very clear about one of the most dangerous intruders spiritually in a family. Let me read it to you from Ephesians 4:26–27:
Do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.
How is the devil allowed into a teenager’s bedroom? How is the devil allowed at night into a married couple’s bedroom? Answer: when they go to bed angry. If you go to bed angry night after night after night, and that kid is seething at you in there, and no steps at reconciliation have happened, the door is thrown open wide, and the devil can wreak havoc over weeks, months, and years. It will destroy a soul, a marriage, and a family.
So, what are you going to do? I’ll tell you, dads, this is where headship is so hard that no woman would ever want it. This is the hardest thing in the world. Headship means you must initiate reconciliation — no matter how many times it’s been her fault or the kids’ fault. You have not the luxury as head to say, “She did it, and if she doesn’t say she’s sorry, I’m hitting the pillow.”
No way. Justice might say, “Yes, that’s the right way to act.” But let me ask you this: Is that the way Jesus treated his bride? How many times has he come back to her — back to you? How many times has he come back to you and back to you, saying, “Here I am, ready to make up”? A thousand times. Seventy times seven times seven times seven he has come back to you when it’s your fault and not his. And he took the initiative to make it right. He died to make it right.
Will we as husbands just say, “It’s her turn”? Yes, we will without the Holy Spirit. This is impossible without Christ. You don’t want to be heads, women, because I’m holding the men accountable that his family does not go to bed angry at night. You knock on that teenager’s door. Oh, this can be sweet, brothers. This is as hard as it gets.
You knock on that door and any little increment of fault that you bear over against his many faults, you confess it. Not many things will break a teenager, but that might: to walk in and say, “Son, my reaction to what you did was over the top. What you did was wrong. That’s not the issue here. But my reaction to it was over the top. I’d like to apologize and say it wasn’t in love. I just got out of control, and I’m sorry, and I’d like you to forgive me.”
You talk about sweet sleep. You talk about healing balms in the mind and the soul, dads. Now, I’m not naïve. I’ve been married for 38 years. There are attempts at peace that don’t work. But you’ve got to try.
Noël and I have knelt beside each other and we have hardly been able to pray. We just kneel there in silence. Who’s going to pray first? Neither of us feel like praying. We’re so upset, and these hinder your prayers big time, and you can just eke out, “God help us. I want it to be better.”
That’s your job, Dad. It’s the hardest thing in the world. Keep the devil out of the bedroom and out of the kids’ rooms by not letting the sun go down on your anger, inasmuch as it lies within you."