“If all of my dreams were true, I’d have, like, five wives,” Solomon quipped, noting that we can't just cherrypick nice things from our dreams and call them a word from the Lord. “But I’d also have several gunshot wounds. And the gift of flight, which apparently does not help me avoid getting shot.”
While Solomon clarified that he believes God can choose to use dreams to communicate with his people, “the Bible doesn’t lead us to believe that that’s the primary way that we discern His will.”
Solomon proceeded to outline four reasons why he considers it to be a rather dubious claim when someone declares that God told them who to marry:
- You're probably not the only one.
Chances are, Solomon states, you're not the only one who believes God is betrothing you to a certain man or woman.
“Have you ever thought that if someone is a generally desirable person, that you’re not the only one who feels the same way about God telling them to marry them?” he asked.
- Things can get awkward fast.
Pouncing on someone with the declaration that marrying them is God's will for you not only can be pretty awkward if they don't share your conviction—or, truly, your attraction—but Solomon says "you are placing some sort of a yoke of conviction on them that they don’t need to have."
“If you tell the other person this, or they find out about it, it can make things super awkward,” he added. “It’s one thing to say I like this person, but its an entirely different thing to bring the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob into the mix.”
This treads into spiritual abuse territory when the person, whether intentionally or not, is made to feel bad or even guilted into marriage out of a lack of discernment and the desire to do what God commands.
So, whether you mean to or not, Solomon says "you’re telling them that they are disobeying God for not feeling the same way."
- Let's face it: you could be wrong at best or lying at worst.
Oddly enough, Solomon pointed out that he has never heard someone say that God called them to marry someone that they weren’t already extremely attracted to.
It could be a case of poor discernment and confusing your will for God's (an incredibly common mistake in today's churches, sadly), or it could be the worst case: declaring God's will to get your way.
It's not a happy, fluffy subject, but Solomon encouraged Christians to “tread carefully with the ‘God told me’ rhetoric.”
The same God who says, "vengeance is mine, I will repay," is the God whose name many are slandering when they falsely declare his will in circumstances like marriage. “It always comes with serious ramifications,” Solomon warns.
- You're setting yourself up for unnecessary pain.
In his conclusion, Solomon stated that we can avoid so much unnecessary pain in life, including in pursuit of marriage, if we simply wait on the Lord, as Scripture so often commands us to, rather than seek to align his will with ours and declare it over our lives:
“You can get upset with the person for not following God’s plan, or find yourself upset with God for him not following through with something He never told you."
Ultimately, Solomon declares, God's goal for our lives isn't our happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment in things that moth and rust can corrupt. Instead, we are to run the race set before us and follow our lifelong pilgrimage of sanctification and being conformed to Jesus.
“God has given us everything we need in His Word that pertains to life and godliness,” he closed. “God’s biggest plan for you is God.”