Though the pastor’s wife shares the same wifely duties as all the married women in her congregation (see Ephesians 5:22–24, 33; Colossians 3:18, 1 Peter 3:1–6), her ministry to her husband is of course connected to his particular calling as a minister. A wife is called to be her husband’s helper (Genesis 2:18), so his particular calling will require particular help.
Helper in the Mission
The minister’s wife is not a church officer, but rather, as a congregant, she desires to serve the church as a faithful member, alongside the other women in the church. This means she wants to participate in, but not necessarily organize the church’s social events. She rejoices to see other women using their gifts and skills to build up the body because this is the sign of a healthy church body.
The pastor’s wife is not a conduit for the congregation to send messages, suggestions, or criticisms to the pastor. He is her husband, but he is also her pastor. She benefits from his teaching and preaching like the other members of the congregation. She is not responsible for the decisions her husband or the board of elders makes. So, when someone in the congregation objects to a decision and tells the pastor’s wife, she will point them in the right direction to register their opinion. In other words, she is not the complaint box.
Treat Her Like a Sister
The minister’s wife does not require your sympathy for the hardships that come with her calling. Every calling comes with hardships. She serves the Lord gladly at her post, and even in trials, she rejoices that God has called her to serve the church alongside her husband. But she does need and appreciate your prayers and your support. She enjoys friendships in the congregation that are centered on Christ and not centered on her position or her husband’s position. She doesn’t want the congregation to hold her at arm’s length or be intimidated by her. She wants to enjoy the fellowship and communion we have in Christ. The minister’s wife, it turns out, is your sister in Christ, striving to be fruitful and faithful in him, just as you are.